December 5, 2024 by Tech 0

Dignity And Dementia – Craig’s Bicycle Ride

When to talk to a teenager about a grandparent’s dementia

BY GARY SOLOMONSON

A story told to Gary Solomonson, dementia coach and storyteller, is included in his forthcoming book, Gathering Seeds for the Dementia Season.

As a young teenager, I often played touch football with friends in my hometown park in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Although touch football rules were usually ignored, as witnessed by our grass-stained pants, scrapes, and torn t-shirts, being with my friends was always fun. One afternoon, as we were in the middle of a game, I noticed my grandpa driving past the park. A little while later, I looked up and saw him driving by again. I didn’t really think much about the second drive-by, but when it happened a third time about ten minutes later, I knew something wasn’t right. I thought about it briefly and realized I had to do something.

“I peddled my heart out to stay ahead of him. I had no idea how my bicycle ride would work or end, but I knew I loved my grandpa, which powered my spirit and legs to lead him home.”

I quickly told my friends that I needed to leave for a bit and would see them later. I hopped on my bicycle and watched for my grandpa. As I spotted his car nearing the park again, I waved him down and greeted him. I think he was too proud to tell me he was lost, but I could read it written all over his face. In that instant, I had one of those intuitive moments where I could help him without dwelling on his being lost, and I suggested that I go along to his house. I invited him to follow me and asked if we could have an afternoon snack as I was hungry after two hours of playing football. I peddled my heart out to stay ahead of him. I had no idea how my bicycle ride would work or end, but I knew I loved my grandpa, and that powered my spirit and legs to lead him home.

When we arrived at Grandpa’s, he invited me in for a snack and one of my grandmother’s famous sugar cookies with a glass of milk. My grass-stained and torn t-shirt amused him. I laughed, saying that our touch football games always seemed to turn into a tackle game. He laughed and told me stories about his earlier football days in the park. There’s nothing like celebrating such a moment with a good sandwich, fresh sugar cookies, a glass of cold milk, storytelling, and laughter. I confess that I usually ate more than one of those incredible cookies!

My mom and dad had told me that Grandpa was getting more forgetful. They also told me it was important to be patient when he forgets something or gets lost and to focus on being his friend. What that meant to me as a teenager was not to dwell on something he had forgotten but to move on to other things or a conversation about a mutual interest. It was an early lesson for me in treating people with dignity who are living with dementia. My grandpa was a great guy, and we spent a lot of beautiful times together. Even as his forgetfulness progressed, we were still best friends, living life to the fullest when together.

“…it is important to me that we focus on the dignity we bring to our dementia care relationships, especially our grandparents and grandfriends.”

Craig Edinger, CEO – The Goodman Group LLC

When is the time and how to talk to a teenager about an adult’s or grandparent’s forgetfulness or onset of dementia?

The time: If, like Craig in the story, they have an active relationship with the person, they may have noticed odd behavior or confusing conversation or overheard you talking about it and asked questions, or they might have heard or seen something about dementia or Alzheimer’s and are curious

The approach: Approaching this conversation with care and empathy can help your teenager process their feelings or fears and maintain a positive relationship with their grandparents. Listen to their concern and acknowledge their feelings. Explain typical age-related forgetfulness and if signs of dementia are present, what behavioral changes may be expected, and ideas for responses to both.