death and life and grandchildren
BY RICHARD AND LINDA EYRE
November was a tough month for us. First was the death of a 50-year advisor and mentor. Then, a lifetime friend and doubles partner passed. Then, a niece, whose congenital heart defect was thought to be stable, died suddenly. And then my (Richard’s) dear brother was diagnosed with terminal stage 4 cancer.
“…there are important benefits that come from making death a more open subject in our families—and that doing so not only prepares us and those we love for the inevitable but adds to our appreciation, our awareness, and our unity.”
Is death a subject we deal with only when we have to? Or is it a reality that we should become comfortable thinking about and something we should be talking about with our children and grandchildren? One of our sons, who did his graduate work in positive psychology at U. Penn, feels that there are important benefits that come from making death a more open subject in our families—and that doing so not only prepares us and those we love for the inevitable, but adds to our appreciation, our awareness, and our unity.
In trying to capture some of these benefits and focus on the joy that has filtered through the pain of this past month, we decided to frame it in the form of a poem, which we hope may prompt some new textures in your thinking:
20 Reasons to Think (and Talk) More About Death
We don’t like thoughts
of death…
In general,
Of friends,
And particularly not of
our own.
But
we should embrace what we banish.
Here are twenty reasons why:
One: It is the single
universal experience.
Two: It can come to any of us
at any time.
Three: Its awareness
sharpens our awareness.
Four: It counters
the sin of taking for granted.
Five: It’s “last time” paradigm
enhances gratitude.
Six: It separates what is minutia
From what matters.
Seven: It deepens conversation
and relationships.
Eight: It reminds us that all this beauty
is fragile, finite, and fleeting.
Nine: It delineates the now-time here
from the non-time there.
Ten: It catalyzes love—
expanding, extending, elongating.
Eleven: It stimulates ponderings
about God and Heaven.
Twelve: It connects us
to those who are there.
Thirteen: It opens up wider, longer,
deeper awareness and perspective.
Fourteen: It confirms
Grandchildren as our legacy.
Fifteen: It spurs a seeking
of destiny and purpose.
Sixteen: It prompts genuine
re-evaluation and repentance.
Seventeen: It brings an appreciative form
Of humility.
Eighteen: It suggests that we don’t really start here
Or end here.
Nineteen: It reminds us of how much remains
Of those who depart.
Twenty: It helps us see
our spiritual siblings.
All good things are made better
by anticipation,
And death, in God’s time, is a good thing.
